There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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