just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
