I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
