I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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