I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
