Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
