No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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