Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
