I want to stick my p in your. b.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
