so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
