If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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