it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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