You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
