they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
