I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
