my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Be still, my beating vagina.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
