Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
