OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
