Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
