She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
