1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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