I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
