please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
