so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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