i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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