so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
