Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
