I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
