The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
