Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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