I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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