i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
