So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
