My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
