theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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