What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
