And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
