i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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