Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
