There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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