I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
