sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
