he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
