He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
