If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
