if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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