I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
