I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
