I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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