how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
