Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
