why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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