i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
